I woke up in a cynical mood today, though I fought it tooth and nail. I watched a decent movie, emailed a friend, heard a good song...But it wouldn't go away. So, I write this.

Cynicism isn't pretty. It looks a little like, well, Uncle Sam, to be honest (minus the red, white & blue top hat)...that scowl on his face, finger pointing at YOU. But it has its place, I suppose. I appreciate good sarcasm, after all, and most cynics are excellent in this capacity...Why?...well, because of the suspicions, you silly! If you can come back from a trip to Cynic City with a better understanding of how things work, you are at least a bit wiser than before, I guess.

Ok. That said...I was disillusioned by the realization that everyone has an agenda. That word doesn't necessarily have to be associated with negativity and pessimism. Business people have very important daily agendas. College students have agendas they hope will pay for all their student loans. Even our country has an agenda that I haven't fully come to terms with...and, here, it is about to "change". That stuff is necessary. Like a personal checklist to make sure you stay on track.

No...What I am referring to is the "agenda" your friend said his gold-digging wife had...or the "agenda" that cute guy in Lit class had when he woo'd you with quotes from Emily Bronte (your favorite writer) just to put another notch on his bedpost...or the "agenda" a "friend" had when they snuggled up to your money. "Ohhhh," you say, "That agenda!" Yep, that's what I'm talking about. What steps can I take to get from Point A to Point B regardless of who or what has to be stepped on to get there? I mean, because it is all about me, isn't it? (Hey, I think someone recently told me it was "all about you"! I thought that meant they wanted to talk about anything and everything Christy had on her peabrain; but MAYBE there was a sarcastic tone I didn't pick up on since we weren't face to face?! Hhmmm....)

Why can't we just be, and not have an agenda? Seriously. Why is it about what you can do for me and what I can get from you? Is it that Tears For Fears was onto something with their famous little diddy, and we all just want to rule the world? I mean, maybe getting what we want from someone (especially if they are none-the-wiser) feels a little like we're in charge, doesn't it? I know my agenda involves finding people who don't have agendas so I never get hurt or taken advantage of or mad. That is selfish, isn't it? I swear I should've finished college and gotten my degree in Psychology so I would know the answer to this. I am positive it has something to do with our 'superego' in some way. I'll have to look that up....

And I wonder if it is just "us"? Does everyone have "an agenda"? Or is it mostly Americans because we live in a "me" kind of world? Instant gratification is a religion here. But do villagers in the deepest, darkest corners of our globe have their own selfish agendas? Really, you can't fault them, I wouldn't think, if they lay awake at night on their dirt floors "scheming" up ways to survive another day, by hook or by crook. I just don't think this is the same. So is it just us? And I wonder, on our deathbeds, if we will look back at our agendas with a sense of accomplishment and get a warm, fuzzy feeling that could be confused for joy?

Ok...I feel better to have gotten my thoughts down. That at least means they don't sit there just building until they make a nice explosion, as powerful as Disney's fireworks show but not nearly as pretty.

I can be perky again.....and, after all, I was just sayin'.