How'd we get here?

Have you ever been asked..."How'd we get here?" and just go blank? I don't mean by a drowsy 6-year old coming out of his car ride-induced, backseat coma somewhere near Orlando, after passing out somewhere around Gainesville. I mean, philosophically-speaking, I suppose. A close friend asked me that question today, actually. Now, I like to think I always have an answer and, of course, that I'm always right (hehe); but all I could say was, "I don't know". Like a kid who just woke up at Disney World, to his bewilderment.

How could I not know? How can a somewhat intelligent woman, with a memory any external hard-drive would envy, not know how she got from there to here if she was living it? I can tell you the tiniest details from 2nd grade about my best guy friend Derek McGinnis hanging out with me on the monkeybars, what we talked about and even what we were wearing. I am under the assumption that I can remember it so well because I relished every second of it while I was living in that moment, that's what children do, after all. And, when you're truly "living in the moment", you cannot see before or after that moment...you just see inside that box. If you even try to think ahead or worry about possible regrets you'll experience afterwards, you'll surely miss that moment somehow. Right? You'll be there, for sure, but you won't get the full effect. You have to be focused.

So...how'd we get here? Is it that I'm too in the moment? Can you be so in one moment that you miss some other important moments, the ones that get you to your current desination? This moment. Ok...I am beginning to confuse myself. (Blonde moment? Or rambling gone amuck?)

I don't know. It just baffles me that you can be paying such close attention to detail, enjoying every second that ticks away, and STILL miss something as important as how you moved from phase 1 to phase 2. I missed something? Wow. Can't go back and relive it. Can't go back and figure it out because dwelling too long on moments you lived a month ago will cause you to miss something happening now. Geesh!

So, how can I learn anything? What if I have what appears to be another "out-of-body" experience (ha) in the middle of a moment in the next chapter, and it is an avoidable mistake? Hhhmmm. Or maybe not a mistake at all...just bliss? Who knows? I don't reckon it matters really, but it just surprised me not to really know. It amazed me that it is possible that something enjoyable and engulfing could be such a blur. Will I pay more attention as phase 3 arrives?

Funny thought....I wonder if my husband's grandmother asked herself "How'd I get here?" a couple of weeks ago when she turned 102 years old?

I don't know. Just sayin', as usual!

(*Another archival rambling from Christy's former Myspace world*)